Pre-senior year feelings

It’s been so long since I posted, sorry!! Honestly, I started so many different posts the last month but stopped halfway through because I didn’t feel they were “post-worthy”. This is one of those posts too but I am going to share it anyway because I need to start somewhere.

Anyway, I wanted to come on here to share some of my feelings regarding my senior year of high school. The whole purpose of my blog was to share not only the highlights and achievements of my journey but also the uncertainty, nervousness, and fear that comes before those highlights. I just want to be authentic and real with everyone because life is not easy for any of us and there is no point in hiding the hard parts.

In January, when we were given the option to pick our classes for senior year, I picked classes that I felt would give me a lot of experience in the field I want to pursue: business/marketing. This meant that I had a full schedule + an elective I chose that required a 10-15 hour job outside of school. Although I was a bit nervous about the schedule, I kept it that way because I wanted to prove that I can do it. I mean yes, a 10-15 hour job outside of school doesn’t sound too bad and I didn’t think it would be that bad either. However, when school ended and I found myself a job, I realized how much time out of my week 15 hours actually takes. On top of that, I am also doing an internship that takes up about 6-9 hours per week. And to add to that, I have to work on my college applications. And then add extracurriculars and clubs to the mix… yeah that’s a lot of time.

I started worrying almost 3 weeks into summer when I found my job and realized how hard it might be to juggle everything when school starts. However, I went with it and just told myself that I will find a way to get it done like I always have. Honestly, this nervousness just took over every time I thought about school. A few days ago, I talked to my parents and we felt that there is no need for me to just force it all on myself when I have so much going on. I emailed my counselor the next day and asked if there was a way to drop a class and add an early release/late arrival (go to school an hour and a half later or come home an hour and a half earlier) to my schedule to give myself more time. Although she said she might be able to do that, it’s not guaranteed. All I can do right now is tell myself that it will be okay.

It’s these feelings of nervousness and uncertainty that nobody really talks about. In my opinion, if you’re going to talk about your success, then why not talk about the hard work and the feelings behind it. All the ups and downs are equally a part of the journey and they need to be shared equally. Sometimes, I like to sit and soak in these moments of nervousness because I know that about 10 months from now, I will be sitting in my graduation cap and gown at my high school graduation and I would have survived my hardest year of high school. That is when I will look back at this moment as I write this post and think “I did it and it was all worth it”.

Thank you all for being a part of my journey! Both the ups and the downs 🙂